Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
