dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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