I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
