One girl and one boy is just not enough.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
