I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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