i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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