you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
