What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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