WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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