I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
