you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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