don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
