she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
