i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
