I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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