Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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