maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize