Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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