i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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