At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
