Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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