3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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