Why does Corona taste like a burp?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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