I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dicks are not precious.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize