i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
