if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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