Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
