He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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