no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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