Who did Billy Mays play for?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
