In the future we'll all be gay
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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