you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
