Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
