Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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