Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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