I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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