I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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