so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
