He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
