I think I died a long time ago.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
