I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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