She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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