Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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