well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So much rum. So many feels.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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