Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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