I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
