I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
