You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
