i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
