I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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