I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
