Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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