Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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