My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
