gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
