that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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