i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
