He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
