i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
