I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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