The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
