Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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