theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
