I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
