I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
