Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
