i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
