So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
