home. puking in laundry basket.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
