if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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