she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
