So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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