he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
