I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
