I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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