Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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