The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
