Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
