Kiss
Puke
kristin has been a bad kristin
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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