I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He? As in you personified your dick?
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