My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
