Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize