No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
