the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Less talking, more tequila
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
