oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
