the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
