Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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