i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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