Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
