Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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