id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
