I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
