I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
