and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
