u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
