She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
