I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
