you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
