I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize