I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
