just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
