he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
