you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
